The Pervasive Problem of Domestic Violence
by Br. John Gill, OFM
 Domestic violence was named as a primary cause of homelessness
in nine of the 25 cities surveyed by the U.S. Conference of Mayors. Those
of us who work at the Inn have experienced battered women among our guests.
Recently I was working on the afternoon shift and a petite woman name
Rose Marie rang our door bell. I answered the door and immediately was
faced with a very frighten woman. I asked her to come inside and invited
her to have a seat. She was visibly upset but I didn’t know why
or how I might be of help to her. As I sat with Rose Marie for a few
minutes her bruises became more visible for me on her face and arms.
Rose Marie told me that she came to the Inn out of desperation to seek
help and get away from her husband who is very abusive.
I was able to offer her some comfort and support in her moment
of crisis. Rose Marie spent the afternoon with us as telephone calls
were being made to find a safe place for her. She left us that evening
and went to a safe and secure shelter for the night. Rose Marie was free
of physical abuse for one night, but no guarantees after that.
The thought did occur to me as I was trying to provide comfort
and help to this woman who has a long history of being in an abusive
relationship. Why do they stay in violent relationships? In thinking
about it I know that all too often the question “why do they stay
in violent relationships?” is answered with a victim blaming attitude.
In this experience I certainly had that attitude. Women victims of abuse
often hear that they must like or need such treatment, or they would
leave. Others may be told that they are one of the many “women
who love too much” or who have “low self-esteem.” The
truth is that no one enjoys being beaten, no matter what their emotional
state or self image.
A woman’s reasons for staying are more complex than a statement
about her strength of character. In many cases it is dangerous for a
woman to leave her abuser. If the abuser has all of the economic and
social status, leaving can cause additional problems for the woman. Leaving
could mean living in fear and loosing child custody, loosing financial
support, and experiencing harassment at work. Although there is no profile
of the women who will be battered, there is a well documented syndrome
of what happens once the battering starts. Battered women experience
shame, embarrassment and isolation. In my brief encounter with Rose Marie
she seemed to be experiencing all three of those feelings.
|
